What is your love language?
Last month I wrote about how curiosity can be a form of love. Asking others questions about assumptions we make about them can be one way to demonstrate that you care. We can be curious through observation as well. Hubbie and I are in a long-term (over 50 year) marriage and there are days when we each wonder what the heck we got into. During one of those years, I read Gary Chapman’s book, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.”
He defines five distinct love languages which describe how individuals feel loved. Interestingly, at the beginning of any relationship, we ‘speak’ all five languages while usually responding to our default one. Once we feel the relationship is stable, we fall back into our preferred love language. However, we usually connect with someone who has a different love language than ours. And when we ‘speak’ to our partner in our love language, they may not hear our love for them. This contrast is how couples frequently call it quits because they do not feel loved from
their partners.
Here’s where your curiosity is useful, without having to ask questions. Just observe. How do the important people in your life respond to these different languages? When you want to demonstrate how you care for them, treat them to their preferred love language!
The five love languages include:
- Words of Affirmation – Saying supportive things to your partner
- Acts of Service – Doing helpful things for your partner
- Receiving Gifts – Giving your partner gifts that tell them you were
thinking about them - Quality Time – Spending meaningful time with your partner
(without your phone) - Physical Touch – Being close to and caressed by your partner
Each of us differs in the ways that we receive love. By learning to give love in the ways that our partner can best receive it, and by asking our partner to give us love in the ways that we can receive it, we create stronger relationships.
What is your love language?
Katie
